The way my day looked

You probably can't see this picture very good because it was taken in my dark office with my horrible cell phone camera (I don't own a smart phone).  But, this is how most of my day looked.  Poor baby is either getting sick or is teething.  All she wanted was for me to hold her or rub her back.  Sometimes she would pat my back which made me smile.  She's in bed now FINALLY! Which is were I should be.  I have a big day tomorrow!  I will post about it soon promise! It's actually something really cool! But, I don't want to spoil the surprise for all of you!

-Allison

The most common question I hear

Inquiring minds want to know (aka...the most common question I hear):

How are you feeling? 

Physically, I am almost back to normal.  Still a little lacking in the energy department, but that could be due to a number of things.  I have 2 children that are very active...especially Beau. I just got done having 2 surgeries (the biggest contributor to my lacking energy).  And...I am getting used to being on thyroid medication instead of actually having a thyroid.  I'm not sure how much that contributes to the overall package, but I'm sure it does. 

Beau has figured out that I am all talk and no action.  Since I can't lift more than 20 lbs until Tuesday, I can't put him in his booster seat, put him in his time-out chair, lift him out of the bath, or put him in bed.  He caught on pretty quick, and now his daddy is having to be the main disciplinarian.  He pretty much knows that I have no authority. 

Tuesday, I can start lifting again, and I will begin to re-establish myself as an authority figure at our house :)! I am pretty sure it's going to be a bumpy ride! 

Spiritually, I have had many many moments of quiet peace.  I don't always feel peace--I wish I did, but I'm human like the rest of you! One thing that was hard for me today was not being able to sing the hymns at church.  I have always enjoyed singing, but right now it hurts really bad to sing and I can't keep my voice steady enough.  Talking is no problem, but SINGING??? yikes! But, the hymns still meant so much to me today.  I had the unique opportunity to quietly focus on the words that others around me were singing.  The most touching hymn to me today was "Come Unto Jesus" (click on the link if you're not familiar with this particular hymn). The verse that touched me the most was the 3rd verse which goes like this: 

 Come unto Jesus; He'll surely hear you,
If you in meekness plead for his love.
Oh, know you not that angels are near you
From brightest mansions above?

I have had so many moments when I feel like I have had the help of angels comforting me and getting me through the hard patches. 

I also feel like I have had lots of help from "angels" all around me.  Dinners brought in by friends from church. Even a couple dinners brought in by friends from when Jereld and I were single. Angels have watched my children or helped me put my kids to bed night after night without complaining! Angels have asked me how I"m doing and shared words of comfort.  Angels who have shared their own stories of trials and angels who have offered hugs and cried with me.  

Mosiah 2:17 says, "And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God."

For now, I am trusting in "good things to come." This short clip makes me tear up every time! It gives me great hope!

An update from the cancer front!

Just copied the email I sent my family...sorry it's in email format!

Hey everyone, 

I thought I'd send an update since I went to see my endocrinologist today. If I've already talked to you (Mom & Cam) sorry--just ignore this email if you want! 

Dr. Wadwekar is of the opinion that I need to be treated with Radioactive Iodine (RAI).  It would be a lower dose and, therefore, I would only have to be away from people for 3 days (YAY! I was so worried it would be 8 days). Dr. Wadwekar is not the final word on my treatment though.  I am being referred to Dr. Maggas, a Radiation Oncologist.  He is the one who will ultimately order any Radioactive Iodine treatments or scans, etc. At this point, I feel like I'm being passed from doctor to doctor to doctor which is slightly frustrating.  Jereld & I asked if there is a way that I could get a scan first to try to detect any leftover cancer cells and Dr. Wadwekar said that it's possible but that the scan is roughly 50-60% accurate, so the scan isn't worth a whole lot.  He said he would like to err on the side of caution and just have me get an RAI treatment.

He also mentioned that I am a very unique case.  They don't often find thyroid cancer in a lymph node without also finding it in the thyroid.  Strange! 

So, I don't have an appointment scheduled with Dr. Maggas yet.  They will call me once they get my referral apparently.  A few weeks before my RAI treatments I will have to go on a low iodine diet.  Dr. Wadwekar also mentioned that the recommendation is that you wait 12 months after the RAI treatment before getting pregnant.  Looks like our kids are being spaced for us! Not our favorite, but we don't have a choice. 

Hope I covered everything! 

Love, 

Allison  

Walking!

Kendi took 11 steps without falling yesterday! Yay! What a way to cheer up her mama! She has also added a couple new words to her vocabulary--"done" and "bye."  She can already say hi, uh-oh, mama, dada, and bath.

I'm starting to feel a little better day by day.  I'm not sure if it's normal, but an hour or so after taking my thyroid medication I start to feel a little strange.  Not totally normal.  I wonder if my body has to adjust to this artificial stuff or what.  The sad news is that I'm on a temporary one right now in case they end up doing radioactive iodine.  They have to keep me on meds that can get out of my system quickly.  So, I wonder if right about the time my body adjusts if I will have to go off or switch to a more permanent medication.  We'll see.

I keep getting tons of people asking me questions about the radioactive iodine treatments and whether or not I have to have them and what that will be like...etc. etc.  Truth is--I don't know! I wish I did, but I haven't spoken to the Endocrinologist yet.  That will happen on Thursday.  All I know up to this point is what my ENT/Surgeon has said and what Dr. Google has revealed.

I promise to give a full update after my visit on Thursday. 

Update

Hey Everyone, 

I got a call this morning from Dr. Rothman (my ENT/surgeon) letting me know that the pathologist did not find any cancer in the right side of my thyroid.  So they weren't able to find the source of my cancer presumably because it is so small/microscopic at this point.  I asked him what that meant for the Radioactive Iodine (RAI) treatments and he said that it's controversial at this point if I need RAI treatments.  He said that if you got a group of experts together in a room you probably couldn't get them all to agree.  His opinion is that I should talk to my endocrinologist (Dr. Wadwekar) about it and see what he thinks.  I go to Dr. Wadwekar on Thursday, September 5th. We'll see what he has to say! 

Jereld & I are still amazed that this cancer was even found.  Heavenly Father has definitely blessed us! 

Thank you for all of your prayers,

Allison

The other side of surgery.

I'm out of surgery...for the 2nd time.  Feeling very yucky! Surgery went as smooth as a 2nd surgery can go I suppose so I am blessed in that regard!

I feel tired.  I also feel restless and bored, but have no energy to do anything but feel restless and bored if that makes any sense at all.

My kids are glad to have me home! I'm glad to be home with them, but wish I could be the mom I usually am instead of the kind of mom that just sits there or cringes when her kids try to touch her neck in any way.

I'm grateful for all the prayers that have been said for me! Keep them coming! They help so much!

Cancer...yuck!

For those of you who don't know.  I just found out that I have cancer and will be getting a second surgery on Tuesday.  I am just going to copy and paste an email I wrote to my family that explains what is going on.  It will be easier than retyping the whole ordeal.

To catch you up, I had surgery on August 15th to remove the left side of my thyroid due to nodules that were bothering me.  They had been biopsied prior to surgery and the biopsy came back negative for cancer. I found out about my nodules while pregnant with Kendi, but the doctors recommended that I wait until she was born to have the surgery since my biopsy was negative for cancer.  The left side of my thyroid apparently does not have cancer, but the right side of my thyroid (which has looked normal on ultrasounds this whole time) is presumably the culprit.

Here is the email I just sent my family.

Hello everyone, 

I figured an e-mail would be an easier method to relay information about my cancer and what I found out today so that everyone gets the same info and is on the same page. 

I went to see Dr. Rothman (my ENT/Surgeon) this afternoon for my pre-op appointment.  My surgery is Tuesday at 12:30pm.  I have to be at the hospital at 10:30am that morning. 

When talking to me about the cancer, he let me know that the type of cancer I have is Papillary Thyroid Cancer which is the most common thyroid cancer and my prognosis is that this type of cancer is 95% curable (YAY!).  When doing my surgery he noticed a lymph and decided to remove it even though he thought it looked normal, but he just decided to take it out during the surgery "by chance" even though it didn't look suspicious or cancerous to him.  (Jereld & I don't believe this was chance at all.  Heavenly Father has helped us through this whole thing and we feel very blessed.) The portion of my thyroid that was removed did not show any traces of cancer according to the oncologist that biopsied it.  The lymph node is the only location that they found cancer cells and they were metastatic thyroid cancer cells meaning that the cancer came from somewhere in my thyroid.  Thus, they need to remove the other half of my thyroid as the first step of treatment.

Here is a link that explains more about the type of cancer I have and the treatment/prognosis if you are interested.

http://columbiathyroidcenter.org/staging.html

Because they did not find any cancer in the portion of my thyroid that has been removed, and also because ultrasounds show that the right half of my thyroid appears to be normal, the doctor said that he wanted to prepare me for the possibility that they may never find the source of the cancer.  He said that it's possible that the cancer may be small enough that it is microscopic or something or it's possible that it was somehow overlooked in the left half of my thyroid.  But, because of the cells they found, they are sure it exists somewhere in my thyroid. The doctor again said that it's just by chance that they found my cancer. Jereld & I would call it a miracle and blessing.   

After my surgery, I will have to follow up with my endocrinologist (Dr. Wadwekar) within 1 month.  My endocrinologist will then be responsible for the remainder of my treatment.  Dr. Rothman explained that my treatment would most likely entail getting a full body scan as well as being treated with Radioactive Iodine. I have included a couple links that explain the treatment if you're interested.  But the highlights are that the thyroid cells absorb iodine so they use radioactive iodine to kill all wayward thyroid cells that may have metastasized to other locations in my body; I won't be allowed to be around anyone for around 8 days or so depending on the half life of the radiation; I could lose my sense of taste and have tear duct problems at least short term; Anything I touch will be radioactive and can't be touched by anyone else...etc.  Also, I won't be allowed to have another baby until I get the green light from my doctor which will be anywhere from 6 to 12 months after treatment.   

Short Synopsis: http://www.cancer.org/cancer/thyroidcancer/overviewguide/thyroid-cancer-overview-treating-radioactive-iodine  

Longer more detailed explanation: http://www.thyca.org/pap-fol/rai/   

The time that I spend alone during the treatment will probably be the most miserable time as I won't be able to have contact with anyone except by phone really.  It will be the hardest not to be able to be around Jereld or my kids.  I could see Jereld briefly but cannot touch or kiss him and have to be at least 3 but most likely 6 feet away from him at all times. The kids cannot even come in contact with me at all. 

I asked the doctor if he would be using the incision that I already have from the surgery I just had or if he would be making a new incision.  He said he will use the incision I already have.  He will reopen it. He said my recovery should be similar to the recovery I had this time if not faster.  YAY! This recovery was not bad at all for surgery, in my opinion.

I did ask if this whole ordeal puts me at higher risk for other cancers (i.e. breast cancer, etc.).  Dr. Rothman said, "Absolutely not!"  He said it does not affect my chances of developing other cancers in the least. 

I do want to let all of you know that even though this whole process has been hard, Jereld & I have both felt like we have received so many blessings throughout this whole ordeal.  We do not believe in "coincidence" or "chance." From the very start of this whole thing we have felt that there have been many tender mercies and many people who have helped us and been a great blessing to us! Even though it is a tough situation, I feel very peaceful.  I have had many "doubting" moments in the last couple days, but the majority of the time I feel like everything will be just fine.  

Thank you all for your prayers and concern and help.  It makes it easier when you know you have people cheering for you and concerned about you! 

Love, 

Al