Today, I went to church.
Church is always a great way to start my week! It helps me to refocus my life and start fresh. When I'm unable to attend (like the 2 Sundays I missed after my surgeries) I miss taking the Sacrament to renew the covenants I made with God when I was baptized.
Today was no different. Not only was I able to refocus, but I was able to speak to a couple great friends and share with them how I feel about this whole cancer situation. You see...I have quickly learned that most people who do not have cancer can't imagine what my life is now like.
WARNING: I will be talking about my cancer again. This is my blog. All my thoughts go here. If you're tired of reading about it, I gave you fair warning :)!
Finding out that I had cancer was one of the worst moments (if not THE worst moment) of my life. I literally felt like I had been punched in the gut.
I found out through a VOICEMAIL that the doctor left me (he doesn't have a great bedside manner). To top it off, Jereld happened to be at Home Depot at the time and even thought I tried to call the doctor back, he went to lunch shortly after leaving the message and I could only reach his answering service for 1 1/2 hours. Jereld rushed home when I called him. He even took the day off work. We were both in shock.
But, even though this is the hardest thing that has ever happened to us, it has been the most spiritual experience of our lives.
The days and weeks that have followed have mostly been filled with peace. Yes, (like I've mentioned before) I do have my panic moments and my moments of weakness, but the Holy Spirit has filled our home with a quiet, comforting peace. It's not that the Spirit wasn't in our home before, but we just feel like we recognize his presence more and that we invite him with our actions more. We are praying more than we ever have. We are treasuring the little moments we have together more and more.
It's unfortunate that it took me getting cancer for us to become more humble. Jereld jokes that I should remind him next time to start reading his scriptures for 5 hours a day so that no one else has to get cancer. {PS-This is a joke. We've never read scriptures for 5 hours a day. Only 4 hours a day...ok ok I'm still joking about the 4 hours.}
The one thing about cancer that makes it hard is that there is no absolute fool-proof cure. Basically, all I can do is get treated the best I can and then pray for God's help. My hands are pretty much tied and the only person with a knife to cut the rope I am bound with is the Lord.
1 Nephi 7:12 says, "Yea, and how is it that ye have forgotten that the Lord is able to do all things according to his will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exercise faith in him? Wherefore, let us be faithful to him."
I know without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus Christ not only died for my sins, but that he died so that he could break the bands of death. I WILL live again!
Even though I don't feel like I will die anytime soon, I will die someday. We all will! Knowing that, after this life, I will be with my precious Beau, my sweet Kendi, and the love of my life, Jereld, again is very precious to me.
Basically, the only way I am getting through this whole ordeal is with the help of Jesus Christ and the enabling power of His Atonement.
Phillipians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
I wish I could have learned how amazing it is to feel the Holy Spirit a little more often without having to get cancer, but--what can I say--some of us are a little more hard headed than others. Apparently, I was living far below my privileges (see short clip below).
I've still got a long ways to go...and a lot more hard lessons to learn! Isn't that comforting?!?!? LOL
3 comments:
We love you! Thanks for sharing.
Your Uncle Lloyd is following you in your adventure and is pulling for you with all of his heart. I will share with you a post to my family I recently made. It is in this same spirit.
To; Paralee America, and our whole family.
This is undoubtedly a great life lesson for our family! Heavenly Father has blessed all of us through you! You have suffered and we all have felt it and hopefully have learned compassion from it! It is a personal thing to lie in bed and feel your mother sob for her child, like only a mother could. You don't know how that pains a father, and the helplessness of that feeling. i know Mom and I learned humility and learned that whatever Heavenly Father has in store for any of us, we must accept with full faith in his beneficence. We are grateful for your recovery and give all credit to our Heavenly Father, for his direct blessing and for things that come from him that we maybe don't realize, like medical knowledge, wonder drugs, and learned practitioners. The timing of events and your being where your life could be preserved on the night of the Fourth of July, to me was a miracle! We exercise our faith by prayers and do other things, like putting your name in the Temple or fasting. We learn of the the puny ability we have as mortals to control life's eventualities. In the end though, it is an answer to prayer, and Divine blessings, that Mom and I acknowledge as the answer. There has been a great outpouring of love and concern from our core Eternal Family that will be one of the greatest blessings we have experienced in your recovery to this point. There is still more that we may gain from this trial which has been personally excruciatingly terrible for you and vicariously so for all of us, as we all love you as ourselves, and feel a family unity in our concern which is greater than the sum of our individual feelings!
You always took a challenge, no matter if it meant falling while on the tall stilts, and arising to overcome the challenge, despite the bumps and bruises, or getting both thumbs caught in a trap at the same time, or the medical procedures you endured without a whimper of complaint as a small child. Do you remember your stoical response to your biting incident?
"Oh, shut up and go on to sleep (sister)!" You still evince those same qualities and we continue to learn from you.
We all love you with a pure family love and Mom and i with a parental love, and continue to pray for your eventual return to full health and happiness.
We really appreciate how fortunate you are to have Scott. What a rock! Your girls are such a blessing and your boys a joy.
Love,
Mom and Dad
I like hearing your perspective. You're an amazing person and mom. We are praying for you in the Grether household and look forward to many a future playdate and perspective sharing.
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